she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
