I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
