just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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