I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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