Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
