Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Farmville is her only friend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
