My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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