i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
