i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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