I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
