I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
