she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
3pm strippers are depressing
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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