Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
