He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
