Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
