I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
