some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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