I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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