he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
