Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
