Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
