You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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