I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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