Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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