the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
