Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
