listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
