In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My ass is underappreciated
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
