Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
