do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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