Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
