Im at strip club and am horny
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
