Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
