were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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