I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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