I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
