He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
