I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
