Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
