My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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