You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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