he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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