i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
