i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
