I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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