boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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