I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
