well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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