I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
