dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
