I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
