I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
