i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
