My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
