I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
